Thoughts on being a mother...

I have been thinking this week of mothers in Scripture. Not the ones who are mentioned, but the ones behind the scenes, the ones we don’t really know anything about.  In particular, I was thinking of Daniel and the other Hebrews who were captive in Babylon. We don’t know anything about Daniel’s mother. I wonder who she was and if she was even left alive when he was taken captive. I wonder if she ever understood the big picture of why God allowed her son to be taken away from her and carried to a foreign land to be indoctrinated by an idolatrous nation, or if she became angry at God for taking him. I wonder if she thought of all the things she wished she could have told Daniel if she could have just one more day with him. Scholars suggest he was a very young teenager when he was taken, so I am sure she had not expected for her time with him to be over so early in his life.  It’s not like he was just away at college or on a trip. He wasn’t coming home, and he probably had no means of communicating with her that he was okay.  We know from Scripture that he purposed in his heart not to defile himself – and he didn’t. What kind of home did Daniel come from?  How much of Daniel’s character was shaped by his mother? From whom did he get his values?  How can I instill those same values in my children?

John wrote, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” Paul reminded Timothy that his faith first dwelt in his mother and grandmother. Deep down, I hope to live long enough to watch my children grow up and serve the Lord, but I realize too that I don’t have any guarantees. God never promised that I would always have my children or that they would always have me. I have probably already had more time with my boys than Daniel’s mom had.  It is a very sobering thought – if I were to die today, what legacy of faith have I instilled in them that will carry them through life? Do they love God’s Word? Do they understand grace? Do they know the difference between religion and a relationship with Christ? Do they know that serving God with their life is more important than making money? Could they stand strong in their faith against opposition like Daniel did?

The person who did that for me in my life was not my biological mother, but a dear woman who was unable to have any children. She taught me to cook and play the piano, but more importantly, she taught me to study God’s Word and that I should “never sacrifice the eternal on the altar of the immediate.” To this day, I call her Mom, and she calls me her daughter.  Not every woman reading this has children, or perhaps your children are grown. You still have a legacy of faith that you can pass on to the next generation.  ­­­In fact, Paul told Titus that the older women in the church were to encourage the younger women and teach them how to live righteously.  This month as we focus on mothers, take pride in the fact that you have a chance to be a mother – if not biologically, then spiritually. We have a legacy of faith that is worth passing on. 

“…After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find.

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey.
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful..”  (“Find Us Faithful” by Steve Green)

Ever Nearer...

Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer

"Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer"
Music by Keith Getty; Words by Margaret Becker
Copyright © 2002 Thankyou Music

Jesus, draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus, guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial                                 
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

I love this song. (If you want to hear it, you should be able to click on the link at the very top, and it will take you to a youtube video of the song.) I was thinking through the words of this song this week as I am struggling through what I consider to be an almost insurmountable storm – there is just no other word for it. And this trial, this storm has been going on for years now, and I am so weary of it.  The first verse of this song says, “Jesus, draw me ever nearer as I labour through the storm. You have called me to this passage, and I’ll follow, though I’m worn.”  There is a comfort in knowing that this storm didn’t take God by surprise. He knew it would come and He has ordered my steps through it all.  I know that He has a plan for me. He says in Jeremiah 29:11 that His plans are for “welfare and not for calamity, to give me a future and a hope.”  Even though my heart is so weary, I will keep following Him.

“May this journey bring a blessing…” I never thought once as this whole ordeal began that any good could ever come from any of it. In the last year or so, however, I have begun to see just a few glimpses of the blessings.  I am surrounded by amazing people who love and support me and have held my hand through some dark days. I never would have met them if my journey had not uprooted me. I am in a place that I love, in a position of ministry that I love. God is restoring to me all of the things that were taken from me, and then some!  It is a marvel to me the blessings He has poured on me over the last few years.  There is another blessing I did not expect – the blessing my journey could be to others.  Last year, I received a message that I treasure from a friend with whom I had not been in touch for probably 20 years or so.  She was watching my journey from afar, and after a particularly trying storm, I had sent out an email to those who had been praying.  It was forwarded around by different ones until even I don’t know who all had received it. My friend’s message was long, and I won’t share all of it, but this one part: “I don't know if you realize what an amazing gift you gave to everyone who will ever read that. You gave us permission to trust a God that we don't always understand. You were the best person to give that gift and the most unlikely. (Thank you. It was a gift to me personally.)”  She went on to share personally what God was teaching her, and that blew my mind. God used me? He used me to encourage someone? I received several more similar messages over the weeks following that incident, and even more recently after I began the blog.  It’s crazy how we think sometimes that we are all alone in our hurt, in our pain, our weaknesses, our storms.  It takes one person to speak up and say, “This is my story, and this is what my God did!" to make us step back and go, "Wow! If He could do that in her life, He can do the same for me!" I know, because that is where I have found encouragement myself – in the lives of those who have walked roads I can not imagine, but found the strength and the courage to follow anyway. Those people reveal hearts that I want to have, an intimacy with God that I crave, a peace that allows them to continue on in spite of the circumstance. And I am learning that it is the storms in their lives that have brought them to that point. I am thankful for the blessing that they are in my life. I pray that truly, my journey will be a blessing to someone else.

“At the end of my heart’s testing, with Your likeness let me wake.” There was something I had heard before, but never understood. The Bible talks about our faith being refined by fire like silver and gold. They are heated until the impurities rise to the surface. Those impurities are removed, and then they are heated again and again. That is how you get pure silver or pure gold. A silversmith knows his silver is ready when he can see his reflection in the silver. I had heard that…and it sounded nice…but now I have lived that. I know what it is to be in the refiner’s fire. To have a situation reveal an area of my life that must be removed, dealt with. Then to go through the process over and over. I know I am not done yet, but at the end of all of this testing, my heart’s prayer is that Christ will see His likeness in me.  After all that’s what Romans 8 says – God wants to conform us to the image of His Son. So all of the things that happen to me, happen to bring me closer to Him and make me more like Him. When I keep this perspective, I can be grateful for the fire.

“Let the treasures of the trial form within me as I go – and at the end of this long passage, let me leave them at Your throne.” Treasures of the trial. That seems almost oxymoronic.  How can there be treasures in the trial? But I am learning that those lessons learned, those hard-fought battles won, those glimpses of God’s grace, those intimate moments with God that are mine alone and no one else will probably ever understand the significance of – that I never would have known without the trial – those are forming within me a faith that is unshakeable, a peace that is unbreakable, and a joy that no one can take from me. Those are treasures. And someday, I will lay all of that down at the feet of my Lord because He is the One who gave them to me. This journey is all about Him.

“Jesus, Draw me ever nearer…” This is my prayer. I want to be closer to Him today than I was a year ago. A month from now, I want to be even closer. A year from then, even closer.  Without the storm, I took Him for granted. I didn’t need Him, or at least, I didn’t know how much I needed Him.  Thank You, Lord, for this storm. “When the midnight meets the morning, Let me love You even more…”

Help! I've fallen....and I Can't Get Up!

I think it’s a pretty safe bet that if I had told you to finish this line, “Help, I’ve fallen, and I                                              !” that you would have been able to fill in the blanks – “Can’t get up.”  I don’t know anyone who has actually bought a life alert necklace, but we’ve made fun of the commercial for years, used it in skits, quoted it when we’ve fallen ourselves.  I thought of it this week from a new perspective.  It came to my mind as I was thinking about Christ and His ministry on earth. I thought of all the people He encountered who could not “get up” by themselves.  Sometimes it was a physical condition like the man by the pool of Bethesda who was lame. Others had actually died – Jairus’ daughter, the son of the widow of Nain, Lazarus. Then there are others who “fell” spiritually – the woman caught in adultery and thrown at Jesus’ feet, Peter losing faith as he walked on water…and later as he denied that he even knew who Christ was.   Some of them went looking for Christ (like Jairus), others He simply encountered (the widow in Nain) as He traveled.  The adulterous woman didn’t have any choice- she was thrown at His feet as her captors picked up stones with which to kill her.  Their stories are all so different, and yet there is one common thread – Christ raised them up when they were unable to do anything for themselves.  One after another, as you read through the Gospels, you encounter person after person after person who needed Christ to lift them up. What’s amazing to me is how compassionately He did it. He never complained, never said, “Again? Really???” We read no accounts of His begrudging healing, or forgiveness with a dash of condemnation.  I think it is the ones who had fallen spiritually that give me the most encouragement.  For the Lord of Creation to heal His creation is somewhat natural.  To me, that makes sense.  For a holy, righteous Judge to forgive sin makes no sense.  He could have picked up a stone and joined in the public condemnation of the adulterer.  He could have let Peter sink…or conveniently overlooked him after the Resurrection. I probably would have said something sarcastic like, “I thought you didn’t know me.”  He could have let the Samaritan woman get her water at the well…and let her know who He was while watching her squirm with guilt and shame.  But He didn’t.  And that is grace. It makes no sense, but that is the record we have of Him.  I think, of all of them, the one I identify most with is that woman at His feet.  I know I’ve failed Him. I know I have no excuses and nowhere to hide before Him.  I see others circling with their stones of judgment, ready to slap a label on me and carry out the punishment they feel I deserve for my failures. But then I look to Him, and He says, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.” The thought is staggering.  I identify with Peter too. How ashamed he must have felt!  You know what? There are times when I’ve failed Him so badly that I’m not even sure how to pray, how to tell Him all that is in my heart. But you know what else? I think that there is a prayer that He will not refuse – “Help. I’ve fallen…and I can’t get up!”  I think that perhaps this is His favorite prayer. His power is revealed in our weakness. His amazing grace is best revealed when our absolute depravity is obvious.  You know, when you boil it down, the fancy sinner’s prayers we quote during soulwinning or invitations, are basically that thought.  Isn’t that what the salvation decision is? Realizing that we are sinful and have no righteousness of our own and are unable to save ourselves? It’s not about the exact words we pray – the thief on the cross only said, “Lord, remember me when You come into your kingdom.” But Jesus said, “Today you will be with me...” He lifted that man up too. He wasn’t baptized. He didn’t go to Sunday School. He didn’t go to the “right”Christian college and carry the “right” version of the Bible.  He just looked to Christ in His final hours acknowledging that he had no hope apart from Him. He had fallen and couldn’t get up. Even as He died on the cross for our sins, Christ was ready for Him.  And He is ready and waiting to reach down and pick us up. In the Life Alert commercials, the woman who pushes the button and calls for help must lie there hoping that help will come quickly. We don’t have to wonder if He will come to save – there’s no question, no “I hope…”  He will save. He will forgive. He will heal. It is His character.  What a comfort that is!  Have you fallen? Have you let Him lift you up?   

A Quiet Heart

The entire following entry is taken from the book Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot.  I first read it when my heart desperately needed to be quieted, and I’ve gone back and re-read it several times.  To try to say any better what she has already said so well would be an exercise in futility, so I’ll leave it alone. I hope it encourages you…

Jesus slept on a pillow in the midst of a raging storm. How could He?  The terrified disciples, sure that the next wave would send them straight to the bottom, shook Him awake with rebuke. How could He be so careless of their fate?
He could because He slept in the calm assurance that His Father was in control. His was a quiet heart. We see Him move serenely through all the events of His life — when He was reviled, He did not revile in return. When He knew that He would suffer many things and be killed in Jerusalem, He never deviated from His course. He had set His face like flint. He sat at supper with one who would deny Him and another who would betray Him, yet He was able to eat with them, willing even to wash their feet. Jesus in the unbroken intimacy of His Father’s love, kept a quiet heart.
None of us possesses a heart so perfectly at rest, for none lives in such divine unity, but we can learn a little more each day of what Jesus knew…Jesus, because His will was one with His Father’s, could be free from care. He had the blessed assurance of knowing that His Father would do the caring, would be attentive to His Son’s need….He knew when to take action and when to leave things to His Father. He taught us to work and watch but never to worry, to do gladly whatever we are given to do, and to leave all else with God.
Purity of heart…is to will one thing. The Son willed only one thing: the will of His Father….One whose aim is as pure as that can have a completely quiet heart, knowing what the psalmist knew, “Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup, and have made my lot secure.” (Ps. 16:5)…Can we say that there are things which happen to us which do not belong to our lovingly assigned “portion”? Are some things, then, out of the control of the Almighty?
Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good. As I accept the given portion other options are cancelled. Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and hence my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter.
…
A quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough. All is grace…
…all is under my Father’s control: yes, recalcitrant computers, faulty transmissions, drawbridges which happen to be up when one is in a hurry. My portion. My cup. My lot is secure. my heart can be at peace. My Father is in charge. How simple!
My assignment entails my willing acceptance of my portion–in matters far beyond comparison with the trivialities just mentioned, such as the death of a precious baby… We can only know that Eternal Love is wiser than we, and we bow in adoration of that loving wisdom.
Response is what matters. (Remember the Israelites…all experienced the same, But God was not pleased with most of them. Their response was all wrong.)  The same almighty God apportioned their experience. All events serve His will. Some responded in faith. Most did not.
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Cor 10:13)
Think of that promise and keep a quiet heart! Our enemy delights in disquieting us. Our Savior and Helper delights in quieting us. “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you” is His promise. (Is. 66:13)  The choice is ours. It depends on our willingness to see everything in God, receive all from His hand, accept with gratitude just the portion and the cup He offers. Shall I charge Him with a mistake in His measurements or with misjudging the sphere in which I can best learn to trust Him?  Has He misplaced me?  Is He ignorant of things or people which, in my view, hinder my doing His will?
God came down and lived in this same world as a man. He showed us how to live in this world, subject to its vicissitudes and necessities, that we might be changed — not into an angel or storybook princess, not wafted into another world, but changed into saints in this world. The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

"Let it Grow"

I took my boys to see The Lorax last week. There’s an old-timey theatre in Kannapolis that we like to go to. I appreciate the history of the building, but I appreciate their low ticket prices even more! (It only cost $10 for all three of us!) The Lorax is based on a book by Dr. Seuss with the same name, and the plot is basically about a world where all of the trees have been cut down to make way for progress. There is a character, however, who is in possession of the very last tree seed – and he entrusts it to a little boy who is determined to plant it in the middle of town so everyone can see it. Of course, there is a “villain” who is making money by selling clean air and stands to lose everything if there are trees producing clean air for free.  The climax of the movie takes place in the center of town as he and the boy face off with everyone watching to determine the fate of this seed…and a musical number begins called “Let it Grow.”  It includes various townspeople singing about why they should let it grow – from 3 year old Marie to Granny Norma to Ben and Rose whose “son Wesley kinda glows.” The song stuck with us because there’s a verse where the villain, Mr. O’Hare sings, but changes the words to “Let it die.” My boys thought that was hilarious, you-tubed the video, and recorded it to my phone as a ringtone! There was one phrase, however, from the song that jumped out at me, and I have been thinking about it all week long. 

Disclaimer: If at this point you are tempted to stop reading because you think this will be the rantings of a crazy tree-hugger or a post about saving trees, let me reassure you that I do have a spiritual thought unrelated to environmentalism!

The phrase is this, “Let it grow, let it grow, you can’t reap what you don’t sow…”  What caught my attention is that these are Bible words…well, almost. Let me put it in context: The Bible says that whatever a man sows, that will he also reap.  If we sow to the flesh, we reap corruption. The admonition is to sow to the spirit. (see Galatians 6:7,8) I have heard my fair share of sermons and messages and devotionals about sowing and reaping, but I’ve never heard it reworded in the negative. Yes, it is true that you reap what you sow, but it is also true that you CAN’T reap what you DON’T sow. (This is bringing back memories of Mrs. Jone’s geometry class and rules about p’s and q’s and whether or not p implies q… but that’s beside the point. )   Like I said, this phrase has been stuck in my head this week, and ironically, the Holy Spirit has used it to really make a point to me about growing in Christ.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I look at the fruits of the spirit – or even spiritual qualities I see in the lives of others – and I really wish those fruits were more evident in my life. Maybe it’s a closer intimacy with Christ, a better prayer life, a more disciplined quiet time…sometimes it’s just something as “simple” as love, joy and peace. The thought struck me last week, if those are the fruits I want to “reap,” what am I doing to cultivate those in my life?  This reminded me also of the parable of the sower and the different kinds of soil.  Usually when we hear messages about this, we picture four different kinds of people and whether or not they receive God’s Word leading to salvation, but the truth is, sometimes my heart is all of those types of soil at one time or another.   I’ll be honest, Sunday morning during church, I struggled with having thorns and weeds in my soil. The message was good, but I was having so much trouble concentrating because of all of the other thoughts that kept entering my heart and competing for my attention!  Sometimes I’ve hardened my heart in an area, and until I’m broken, any messages or passages of Scripture about that area fall on deaf ears. There have been times when I have been so “dry” spiritually that things just kind of stay on the surface – like the stony ground – the Word of God didn’t even get a chance to really take root and ends up withering before it can produce any fruit in my life.  What am I doing to make sure that seeds can take root in good soil and grow and produce fruit in my life? I can’t reap what I don’t sow. What kinds of seeds am I sowing in my life? The Word of God? Worldly thoughts and philosophies? My own selfish desires? Am I letting anything else take root in my heart?  What am I doing to keep the soil prepared and fertile?  There’s a verse in Psalms that has always kind of fascinated me. Psalm 86:11 says, “Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your  truth; Unite my heart to fear your name.”  The idea of uniting something we think of as being singular in nature is what is so remarkable to me, but David is right on. My heart is so divided sometimes. God, take this mess of soil that is my heart – the stony areas, the hard areas, the weedy areas – and unite it all. Make it all fertile ground that is capable of producing fruit. Plant those seeds in my life and help me to nurture them so that they can grow.

"The Servant Song"

I found a new hymn today, and I LOVE it! I just had to share it with you…

Background information:  Our regular pianist is going to be out of town on March 25th…and so is the organist…which means the back-up pianist needs to play the organ…which leaves me at the piano. Yes, I AM the bottom of the barrel! J That is fine with me – I’m much more comfortable in the orchestra than on the piano bench.  Yesterday, the interim music director asked if I would consider playing the piano that day for the service. After a small panic attack, and an initial, “Can’t you used canned music that day?” I felt a small bit of conviction that serving the Lord isn’t about being the best or having the most ability; it’s about being willing to be used. I apologized to the director, and told him I would do it…

Okay, now that  my heart’s in the right place, what about the songs? I haven’t been practicing on a regular basis, so the last time I was playing hymns regularly for people to sing along was when I played for Christian school chapel. That was almost 6 years ago!  At this point, anything really complicated or fast is way outside my comfort zone.  The music director told me to go through the hymnal and see what I felt comfortable playing . I did that last night. I skipped the sections of Christmas songs, Resurrection songs, Lord’s Supper songs, Patriotic songs, etc. and came up with a list of about 30 or so hymns and choruses that I could sit down and play now if I had to.  The church secretary and I crossed out any that had been done recently, and this knocked a few off the list. Then I found out what the message was going to be about that day – we’re going through 1 John, and the message at this point is going to be from chapter 3 about hating/loving one another.  That complicates things a wee bit… because most songs are about our love for God or His love for us and not so much about our love for each other…There are a few, but really, you can’t sing “We Are One in the Bond of Love” for an entire service. So back, to the hymnal I went, and I stumbled across a song I had never heard of before and I almost skipped over it because the title was “The Servant Song.” But it is written in fairly easy timing with an easy key signature, so I thought I’d play through it… Tadaaa! It turns out it’s a melody I love.  It’s also the melody for “Come, All Christians, Be Committed” and some of the more recent versions of “Come, Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy”  (It’s an old Shaker melody called Beech Spring used in Ken Burns Lewis and Clark documentary if you want to youtube it. J)

 But you HAVE to read the words! I can’t believe we don’t sing this song!

The Servant Song

We are trav’lers on a journey, fellow pilgrims on the road;

We are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ-light for you in the night-time of your fear;

I will hold my hand out to you, speak the peace you long to hear.

Sister, let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you;

Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.

Brother, let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you;

Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.

I will weep when you are weeping, when you laugh, I’ll laugh with you;

I will share your joy and sorrow, til we’ve seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven, We shall find such harmony,

Born of all we’ve known together of Christ’s love and agony.

What a beautiful words and so meaningful to me!  A few weeks ago in my small group Bible study, I shared my “story” – a general overview of my life and testimony – and I made a comment that when I first came to the church that I am in now, I needed a sort of “spiritual rehab.” They all laughed over that comment, but it is so true. I couldn’t think of another way to say what I meant.  Like someone who has been in a traumatic accident and has been injured severely, spiritually, I needed people to come alongside me and teach me how to “walk” again. I look back now, and am so thankful for those “servants” who held their hand out to me, spoke the peace I longed to hear, for the ones who shared my sorrow, and helped me bear a load that I felt was impossible. I marvel now at their patience, because I am sure it felt quite unrewarding to them at the time, and yet they persisted. They truly have been “as Christ” to me.  I’m a little stronger now…and I want to be that person for others. I want to be the servant now. I know what a difference it made for me, and I want to make that difference in someone else’s life. 

I don’t know that we’ll sing this song on the Sunday that I play – it’s usually not a good idea to spring unfamiliar hymns on the congregation on a Sunday morning – especially when you’re being led by an interim director, a back-up organist, and a bottom-of-the-barrel pianist!  But it’s okay if we don’t sing it that day. I found it…and now you’ve read it too…and maybe soon we’ll learn it and start singing it…

Coffee, Anyone?

There’s an illustration I read about ten years ago, and it came across my e-mail again this week. It’s entitled, “CARROTS, EGGS & COFFEE.”  The story is about a young woman who is having a rough time, and tells her mother how hard things are, how she doesn’t know how she can make it and wants to give up, etc…  Everytime it seemed like she got one problem solved, a new one took its place.  The mother goes into the kitchen and sets three pots with water to boil.  In the first pot, she places raw carrots, in the second pot, raw eggs, and in the last, ground coffee beans.  She lets them boil and doesn’t say anything.  About twenty minutes later, she turns off the burners.  She strains the carrots and puts them in a bowl. She places the eggs in a second bowl. She ladles out some of the coffee and places it in a third bowl.  Then the mother asks her daughter what she sees.  “Carrots, eggs, and coffee.” (She was probably thinking, “DUH!” but according to the story, she doesn’t say that!)  Her mother brings her closer and asks her to feel the carrots. They are now soft.  She asks her daughter to break the egg, and the daughter observes that it is now hard-boiled.  Finally, she asks her to taste the coffee.  She comments on its rich aroma, but then asks what is the meaning of it all.  The mother asks in response, “Which are you? When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”  The point is this: Which one am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity wilts, becomes soft, and loses strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. 

There’s a similar illustration that Jim Berg uses. I heard it first at a retreat where he was a guest speaker, but it’s also in his book, Changed into His Image. His illustration is of a tea bag in hot water, and his point is that, it is not the water that changes the flavor of the tea. It merely reveals what was already in the tea bag.  If you are a hot tea drinker, you know that there are all sorts of blends and varieties of teas.  Looking at the bags, you can’t always tell the difference, but it is the hot water that reveals what was already in the bag.  So many times we want to blame our sinful actions on our circumstances.  As if going through a hard time gives us a right to say or act in a way that we claim is uncharacteristic of us.  But we know that our hearts are deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.  When those wrong words, those wrong actions come out, is it the circumstance that caused them? Or is the circumstance, the “hot water” we are in, only revealing what was already in our heart? I don’t like the answer to that one.  In Mark 7, Jesus was questioned by the Pharisees about his disciples not washing their hands, and he replies, “there is nothing outside the man which can defile him if it goes into him; but the things which proceed out of the man are what defile the man.”  Later, when they are alone, his disciples ask about what He meant. He explains to them, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man.  For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.”  I must constantly be striving to keep my heart pure before God so that when hot water does come - and it always does - then what comes out will leave a pleasant taste for those who are around.

There are different times in my life when I have been the carrots and looked strong, but lost my strength. I know that there are times when I allowed my heart to become like the egg, and even though I looked the same on the outside, inside I was hard.  I want to be like the coffee bean (or the tea bag) and influence my surroundings. But more than just changing the surroundings, I want it to be a sweet and lovely flavor/fragrance.  I don’t want to just color the hot water, I want to make it better! And I want it to be something others can look at, and benefit from, and say “Wow! Look what God did through her!”

I was thinking of all of these things this morning as I drove back to work from a court date in another county. Another setback. Another disappointment. Another “pot of hot water.”  Another time to face those I struggle to forgive. The tears were flowing down my cheeks as I drove, and even for the first few minutes when I was back in my office.  It would be so easy to give in to self-pity, hatred, or bitterness. But I want to be different. I resolve that I will be different. 

James said to "count it all joy" when we face trials of different kinds because it produces patience in our lives.  Today, I am thankful for the hot water...for the trials that show me what I truly am and how far I still have to go to be like my Lord.