Heart Problems

I was praying and reading my Bible today, and found myself in Psalms again, chapter 51 to be exact.  I remember to this day the first time I consciously read Psalm 51. I was in high school and was a counselor at Child Evangelism Fellowship’s summer camp, Camp Good News.  I was wrestling with some sin in my life – I don’t remember now what exactly, but based on the timeframe, I would say probably hatred and bitterness that I just couldn’t let go of.  That week, we didn’t have our usual lifeguard for whatever reason, and the person who filled in was a young man from Clearwater Christian College named Joe Davis. (The girls in my cabin called him “Uncle Hunk,” but that’s beside the point! J) At some point during the week, Joe and I were talking, and it was he who sent me to Psalm 51, and it was then that I remember for the first time really comprehending David’s desire to confess his sin and restore that right relationship with God. That was about 20 years ago, but I never forgot it.  In the years since, I have gone to that chapter over and over again­­­­­­ – there is just so much to learn from just a few verses. I’ve heard plenty of sermons from that chapter.  Earlier this year, I even memorized it with my youngest son Ben.  I say that to say, this chapter is not unfamiliar to me.  But today as I read it, a light bulb came on for me.

I was reading verses 16 and 17: “For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

I read that first verse, about God not delighting in sacrifice – or David would give it.  The Old Testament is full of instructions about sacrifices and about miracles God performed regarding sacrifices.  ­­­­Just a few verses later in verse 19, David talks about when God will delight in righteous sacrifices, burnt offerings, etc., so it almost seems odd that he would say God was not pleased with burnt offering in verse 16.  David was in a place where if he could have offered a sacrifice to make things right, he would have – but he couldn’t.  I got to thinking, sometimes I almost think it would be easier that way. We mess up, we make a sacrifice – all better!  I can be very “works”-oriented sometimes, and if the secret to intimacy with God were a list of things I could just do – some sort of checklist – the Christian life would be so much simpler! I was still pondering that, when I read the next verse – the one about a broken and a contrite heart.  And then it hit me. God doesn’t care as much about what I do as He does about what I am in my heart.  It’s a heart issue. David could have offered up an entire herd of cattle as a sacrifice, but if his heart had not been broken over his sin, it wouldn’t have mattered one bit.  It wasn’t until David’s heart was broken and contrite that the relationship could be restored.  I began to think of other examples in Scripture of the same principle – the first one that came to mind was Saul. He had disobeyed what God had told him to do concerning destroying the Amalekites. When Samuel confronted him, Saul’s defense mechanism kicked in, and his excuse was that he had saved the best sheep and oxen for a sacrifice. Samuel said, “Has the Lord as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice.” (1 Samuel 15:22)  Samuel went on to talk about how because of Saul’s rebellion, God was rejecting him as king.  Saul’s problem was a heart problem.  And he certainly wasn’t broken or contrite over his sin – he made excuses.  I thought about the Pharisees. They did all the right things, made all the right sacrifices, went through all the motions… but Jesus said their hearts were far from Him. 

I started reflecting on my own life and heart. Even with other people, when I know I have done something wrong, my first instinct is to do something.  If I hurt your feelings, my apology will most likely come with baked goods, a card, or an offer to do something for you to try to make it right.  But how many times, do we try to substitute doing for being?  How many husbands think that last-minute flowers will make up for how he has failed her as a husband?  How many parents try to make up for their mistakes by buying new toys? How many times do guilty children suddenly become very willing to help with dishes or chores around the house?  What about with God? Do I think that somehow I can make up for failing God by doing something- anything- for Him?  If I fail to spend time with Him today, will reading/praying twice as much tomorrow make up for that? It’s not about what I can do – it’s about what I must be – in my heart – broken and contrite. 

I guess I already knew that in my head, but it really clicked today in my heart.  I read back through the Psalm again…and again…praying the words to God. ­ I truly want my heart to be broken over sin that is in my life. And there is sin in my life.  My feelings were hurt because a friend slighted me, and I was angry. I struggle with bitterness toward others who have wronged me. I’m envious of people who seem to have everything going just right for them.  I heard last night that someone I didn’t like very much had experienced some trouble, and I was secretly glad.  I thought some unkind things that I really wanted to say to someone…to put them in their place. And that was just in the last 24 hours!  I really have a wicked heart. These things come between me and God.  I want God to break my heart over these things – over anything – that threatens that relationship I have with him.  I want to say like David, “A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” You know why? Because the story doesn’t end with my heart being broken. Because then, God can do what David asked in verse 10: “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”  Now it’s not about what I can do – but about what He can do. The Great Physician does open-heart surgery!  He takes out the damaged tissue and restores it.  I just have to be willing to lie down on the operating table and offer up that broken heart to Him.