New Year…

It's another new year. They seem to come a lot faster than they did when I was younger. I've given up on making resolutions about things like losing weight or keeping my house immaculate all of the time, but I do usually use the new year as a time to reflect on the previous year and areas where I need to change or want to improve. This year, there was no question what one of those areas would be. A few weeks before Christmas, I was talking with a friend about how I had jam-packed my holidays with work at several jobs to avoid being home alone.

"Why don't you want to be alone? What are you afraid of?" she asked.

My pathetic reply was something along the lines of, "I'm not really afraid. I just don't want to be alone…because when I'm alone, then I think…and I'll think about how I don't have anyone to spend the holidays with…and then I'll be depressed…so I'll just work and then I won't think about it…."

What she said next, left me almost speechless – and ate at me for the next several weeks. "But you're not alone. You have a chance to be with your God!" She said it incredulously, as if shocked that I would even think of passing up an opportunity like that…and she's right. Would I have taken time off work to be with family? Yes. Close friends? Yes. But the God of the universe? The only One Who can actually fill the void I am trying to fill with my busyness? The only One Who can comfort me when I am lonely? Why won't I make time for Him?

On New Year's Day, I happened to read these verses from Psalm 73: "Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." The next day, I was back in the same chapter, and I read more of the verses surrounding those: "…I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me…as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge…" I have come back to this chapter over and over again this first week of the new year. I am claiming them for myself this year – that I will so cultivate my relationship with God that there is NOTHING on earth that I desire above Him. I am not going to fight to fill the lonely hours with activity to keep my mind off of my situation. Instead, I will thank God for those quiet times and the opportunity that I have to spend time with Him.

It's funny how things happen sometimes – I had just hit a 75% clearance sale at the Christian bookstore, and one of the books I got was A Hunger for God by John Piper. The first verse in the first chapter was the same verse from Psalm 73. I am not very far into the book yet, but it is about fasting and prayer and about what things I am I filling my life with besides Christ? Ouch.

So, if you ask me what my New Year's Resolutions for 2012 are, I won't have anything profound about exercise or weight loss or financial gain to tell you. What I will tell you is that "I resolve to be closer to my God." And you know what? I think that's all that matters.