Fetullah's "Revenge"

I don’t know Fetullah. I’m not even sure if I’m spelling her name right. I only heard about her yesterday. I won’t ever meet her in this life, although I believe she will be in Heaven.  Fetullah lives in Somalia. I heard about her from a missionary named Getanah. He’s from Ethiopia.  He himself was hung upside down and tortured with hot oil because he is a Christian sharing Christ in a Muslim world.  He shared Fetullah’s story as he shared of the struggles believers face in some of the various nations of Africa.  Fetullah was married with three boys.  The soldiers threatened her husband and said they would be back the next day.  He fled to another city. Fetullah and the boys stayed behind. When they came for her husband, they asked the boys where he was. When one of the boys said his dad had gone away, they began to kill the boys.  One of the boys escaped into the bush, but saw the execution of both of his brothers.  Fetullah shared with Getanah her story, and she asked him to pray for her revenge. He asked her what she meant by “revenge” – she explained that if these men would come to know the Lord, then one day, they could be in Heaven, and they could dance with her boys whose lives they had taken. That would be her “revenge.” WOW. Not my idea of revenge at all.  I have two boys. They have not been brutally murdered in front of me. But there are aspects of my life where I feel I have been robbed of the life that I had planned with them. My gut reaction is not to want to see the culprits in Heaven. I don’t want to reach out as a conduit of God’s grace to them.  Deep down, I want a different kind of revenge.  I would never say that out loud to anyone at church, of course, because I know that “vengeance is mine, saith the Lord” and you know, it just doesn’t really sound very spiritual.   Well, until yesterday. When I heard Fetullah’s story in the morning…and then I heard story after story of people who not only forgave their persecutors, but began to pray for their salvation. What has been taken from me pales in comparison to the losses they have suffered, and yet they forgive. Christ forgave – from the cross, He forgave those crucifying Him.  And then I heard the story I shared in the last blog – the thieves who wanted Christ, but not the cross.  That thought was so convicting to me.  It struck me almost immediately, that I want to be forgiven by Christ, but I don’t want to forgive…one person in particular.  I don’t feel he deserves it. 

That was yesterday.

As God often does, guess what the sermon was about this morning? Yep, forgiveness. And I wrestled with the message. I didn’t play during the invitation. I didn’t sing either. The song, was “I Surrender All,” and I sure couldn’t say that. No, I struggled…enough to have to step out of the sanctuary and calm down. I know what I should do…but I just kept coming back to…”but he doesn’t deserve it!”

That brings us to tonight. No church service, just a small group meeting in my pastor’s home. All of the previous times we’ve had these meetings, we watched a video and discussed it, so that is what I expected tonight as well. But this evening, we weren’t set up around the television. And guess what the topic for tonight was? FORGIVENESS! Really? I felt my chest tightening and the struggle begin again. In a conference, or a congregation, I can fade into the background. It’s hard to hide an internal struggle when you’re in a living room.  I think I contributed one sentence the entire night. I was afraid if I asked a question or even said more than one thought, that it would all come pouring out. I was just trying to battle it out in my heart alone. When he asked if anyone needed prayer, I didn’t say a word even though I knew I desperately need prayer.  Finally, it was over. I could relax. I began to help clean up, and when I was the last one left, the pastor said, “Dorina, you were quiet tonight.” And then it all came out…ALL of it. Fetullah. The conference. Christ, not the cross. My idea of revenge. All of the ugliness. What I knew to be right, but what I didn’t want to do. 

One thing that I love about my pastor is that it is always about Christ.  And that is where he brought me – back to Christ. Do I want to glorify Christ? Then I need to obey Him and forgive. It’s not going to be easy, and no, this person doesn’t “deserve” it.  He said, “That man may not be worthy of your forgiveness. But God commands it, and He is worthy of your obedience.”

Ouch.

But it’s true. He went on to talk about sanctification – and how God blesses obedience. So the decision is up to me. Am I going to obey?

The honest desire of my heart is yes, I want to obey. The obvious flip-side of that coin is that if I refuse to forgive, I choose to live in disobedience.  Yes, I want to be like Fetullah and all of these others before me who have said, “It’s not about me, it’s about Christ and His kingdom.” I don’t have a love that wants to see this person in Heaven, but my God does. He loves him. If I am going to be like Him, I need to have His heart. I must forgive. My God is worthy of my obedience.

So, if you read this blog…pray for me. Pray that I will obey…and forgive.  Pray that I will want “Fetullah’s revenge.”

All to Jesus, I surrender.  Lord, I give myself to Thee; Fill me with Thy love and power, Let Thy blessing fall on me…I surrender all.